Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Drew: The Dadbod Stripper

A recent party of mine shared their previous stripper experience with me. It took place two years ago in Auburn, Alabama, and their dancer was Drew from Atlanta. They were in constant laughter while telling the story.

According to them, Drew showed up in his cop uniform already drenched in sweat. The girls suspected he took meth beforehand.

Drew rocked his hips in an ungraceful manner and shouted, "I heard you girls been naughty!"

He proceeded to strip down to a white "wife-beater," white Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear, and white socks that covered his calves. The wife-beater had several stains and was covered in sweat. The Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear had the back manually cut out to resemble a thong, and it looked just as unwashed as the wife-beater. The dirty socks completed the all-white ensemble.

The story only gets worse.

Drew approached one of the girls, pulled his wife-beater out, and draped it over her head, rubbing his sweaty midsection against her face. The girl in question described the experience as "traumatic, grimy, and smelly."

"Was he at least good looking or built?" I asked.

"Not at all," one answered. "He was very ugly and looked like he did meth. And he had a dadbod. No abs at all. Just a gut."

As he tried to dance with the other girls, his balls flopped out of his makeshift Fruit-of-the-Loom thong and dangled from the side. He attempted to thrust them towards several faces. Most of the women ran.

Drew couldn't dance either. He strutted awkwardly about.

The trump card of his performance was picking up dollar bills by pinching his ass cheeks together.

First, he asked the girls to set the dollar bills on their laps. He would pick up the one-dollar bill with his hand and hold it up towards the light to see if it was counterfeit. Then he would set the bill back down onto the girl's lap, squat down over it, and pinch the dollar off.

"It was the most unattractive thing I had ever seen a man do," another girl said, laughing. "His ass was hairy and sweaty, and I thought he was about to take a dump on me."

"I'm not sure why he was checking the one-dollar bills," I said. "They don't have that vertical security bar."

"We're not sure why either. Maybe he needed every dollar to buy that meth after the show."

For the grand finale, Drew attempted to pick a dollar off the floor with his ass cheeks. He failed. After 15 more attempts, he said, "I can usually pick it up!"

The girls had had enough and asked him to leave. His performance only lasted fifteen minutes.

It's unbelievable that an agency actually hired this guy and sent him out to a party. Perhaps he was more chiseled starting out, but got out of shape over time. Either way, I'm surprised these girls dared to hire another stripper after him.

Drew, if you're reading this, then you need to quit. You're giving the industry a bad name.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Fuck Buddies

The penis cake from this party. First one with a face!


On Friday, May 8, I stripped for a bachelorette party in Santa Rosa Beach, Florida. Before arriving, I called the customer and went over the routine. Then, I asked if she ever had a male stripper before.

"Yes," she replied. "It was two years ago in the same area."

I was curious. Not many guys work this particular area. "Who was the guy?"

"I can't remember his name, but he was really hot, muscular, and half-Asian."

I was half-Asian... 

When I got to the party, which was at a two-story beach house, the customer laughed and hugged me. "It was you two years ago!"

The bride was inside on the second floor, sitting on a chair blindfolded. Even though she couldn't see me, she knew a male stripper stood in front of her, so I removed her blindfold and stripped out of my business suit.

It didn't take long for the other women to shout, "Take it ALL off!"

"Put away the phones first," I said. "No recording from this point on."

The women did as I had asked.

My thong had snaps on each side, so I unsnapped one side to remove it, revealing my cock. 

The bride grinned, running her hands up and down my abs. Finally she reached down and caressed my cock. One of her friends joined in, and began jerking me off. Then both girls took turns.

The other girls watched. Interestingly enough, the bride's mother and aunt were also watching and grinning from the kitchen. I was too self-absorbed at the moment to think anything about it, but upon later reflection, I thought it was strange.

After my performance, I went into the downstairs bedroom to put my cloths back on. The girl who helped the bride fondle me followed. I'll refer to her as "Blair." She was a short, tanned, and petite blonde, and she collected all of my tip money and came into the bedroom to deliver it personally. 

"Do you have a business card?" Blair asked. "I just turned twenty-one last week and didn't really get to celebrate my birthday. I want you to strip for me later."

"Sure, I can arrange that for you."

"I want a private dance. It's just going to be me and you. None of the other girls...

She continued, "To be honest, I want more than just a private dance. I wanna fuck you..."

Before I could respond, she leaned forward and kissed me, her tongue dancing across mine. 

Next, she lifted up her purple top. She wore no bra, and she thrust her small round breasts towards me. I took one into my mouth and sucked. I grabbed her ass, which was barely covered by her jean shorts, and squeezed.

The sound of footsteps on the stairs caused us to jump. We separated. The bedroom door was wide open, and I didn't want to face the awkwardness of being caught in the act.

No one came down, but we decided to stop before anyone else became suspicious about us two being alone for a while.

Blair pulled her shirt back down over her breasts. "Let me give you my number. Are you okay with being fuck-buddies?"

I liked this girl. She made everything so blunt and simple. Then again, she was quite drunk. Nonetheless, she gave me her number.

We'll see if sobriety causes her to change heart.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Chapter 8: Cultivating Your Look

The following chapter is an excerpt from my book, "Behind the G-String: Dion's Guide to Becoming a Male Stripper" that is available here


Your appearance is the business card that you pass out to clients during the initial meeting. Tattoos, your tan, how you dress, and how you carry yourself all determine your appearance. Looking your best means for this job handing out a very professional business card.
Let’s examine some factors that shape our look:

Posture
Ever notice a lot of guys slouching like they’ve spent a lot of effort leaving the couch?
Posture, motherfucker!
 Good posture says a lot about someone—from how much they exercise to how confident they are. Someone who slouches looks lazy. Someone who takes a threatening stance, grabs his dick every second, and thrusts his chin out looks like he’s trying to mask his insecurities. The most confident and self-assured people carry themselves upright and comfortable without any extra pretentious gestures that scream for attention.
Stand up straight. Lift up your chest and stick it out; its resting place is not on your gut. Exercise, such as lifting weights, helps you achieve a natural good form.
You don’t need to act like you’re tough or a badass. If you’re thinking too hard about how cool you look, chances are that women will think you’re insecure. True confidence comes when you’re happy about yourself and you no longer worry about these things.

Acne
Acne occurs when oil, dead skin cells, or dirt get trapped in your pores or hair follicles. There are many causes of acne, some of which include stress, high testosterone, certain foods, makeup, and poor hygiene. In male stripping, zits can be a very unattractive sight, so I will list the best way to deal with (not treat) them.
Only bother covering up acne if it’s so bad that it looks like someone tacked a bull’s eye for target practice on your face and shot it with a white paint ball. Most people won’t focus on a few regular sized pimples. A lot of young women get acne themselves, so they won’t fault you for a few here and there. If you do get some glaring red ones, you can buy some concealer that is your skin tone and apply it over the area. Keep in mind that concealer can cause more breakouts, depending on which ones you use. Also, some camera flashes highlight concealer, so be aware of that because you don’t want to look stupid. My best advice is that if your acne is not that bad, leave it alone. Don’t fuck with it and irritate it before the show. Then everyone will notice it.
The exception to this rule are those ready-to-burst whiteheads. If you have a whitehead anywhere that looks like it’s an inflated balloon, then pop that shit even though some studies advise against it. People will notice large white heads, whether they’re on your face, back, shoulders, or ass (for you unfortunate ones). If you pop them, chances are that they are going to ooze for a while afterwards. Take a styptic stick, which is used to stop small areas of bleeding, wet it, and apply it to the area. This will stop the oozing. However, there will be white residue from the styptic stick remaining when it dries. Leave it there for at least fifteen minutes, or before you’re ready to leave for your party, then wipe it off gently with a damp washcloth. Remember to wash your hands before and after popping the whitehead to prevent the spread of bacteria and all that other nasty shit. If the area of the popped whitehead is inflamed after applying a styptic stick to it, then you can use concealer to cover the redness.
Ignore blackheads until after your show unless you have an extremely ripened and noticeable one. Popping them can irritate your skin and leave swollen and reddened areas behind. The last thing you need is to show up to a partying looking like you’ve been playing around a hornets’ nest. Wait until after your night’s work is finished to resume the joy of popping blackheads.
You can keep acne under control through healthy habits and good hygiene. Allow your pores to breathe and avoid wearing clothes that leaves sweat trapped against the surface of your skin. Don’t wipe your face with dirty hands. If your acne is out of control, see a dermatologist for treatment before attempting to become a male stripper.

Scars
There’s an old saying that women loves scars. Well, don’t apply that old saying too much to this job. A few facial scars here and there won’t hurt your chances, but the more serious gashes might distract your crowd’s attention, and you don’t want that.
Stay away from activity where you risk a high chance of sustaining injuries that will leave scars. High impact sports or MMA fighting are prime examples. The last thing you need is a welt, cut, or black eye before you go to work. MMA fighters who grapple for prolonged periods of time tend to develop “cauliflower ear,” which looks gross to most customers.
Unless you have lived in a bubble your entire life, you’re going to have a few scars. Minor scars aren’t a big deal, and you shouldn’t stay up all night worrying about them.
Avoid getting excessively drunk. People who do this tend to develop a lot of scars and injuries they cannot remember.

Tanning and preventing wrinkles
In the world of male stripping, a decent tan looks great because it helps hide acne and blemishes, and it highlights muscle definition. Tanning can enhance a stripper's appearance, but it also has its drawbacks.
First and foremost, tanning can cause premature aging. Ultraviolet rays from the sun and tanning lamps can damage the skin and collagen by causing wrinkles, lax skin, brown spots, and even melanoma. For those of you looking to strip long-term, aging is your mortal enemy, so let’s not summon that demon earlier than necessary.
Second, tanning should be avoided for those with powder-white skin. If your skin only turns red from tanning, chances are, you're not going to get much of a tan. Instead, you’re going to look like you’re really embarrassed all the time, like you shit your pants and didn’t change into some new clothes. You have other areas of your appearance to focus on anyway: muscularity, hygiene, hair, etc.
If you do tan, protect yourself by doing the following:

1) Apply sunscreen. Even when you're not tanning, sunscreen will help protect your skin, preventing aging and preserving your health.
2) Protect your face, especially around the eyes! The skin on your face is the most vulnerable to sun damage, and it will show. Protect your face even when you’re going outside without the intention of tanning.
3) Wear as little clothing as possible while tanning. Long board shorts will leave ugly tan lines when you're dancing in a thong. I either wear a thong or nothing at all while tanning because a tanned ass looks a lot better than a pasty silhouette of your shorts. Of course, this task is more difficult if you don't have your own yard, or a secluded area where you can tan.
4) Tan evenly. Most people will lay down with their arms by their sides and miss getting exposure to areas such as their inner arms and below the armpits. This results in a "fish belly" look, where the person has a mostly darker complexion above with portions of white underneath. Other common areas that people miss are the sides of the legs and the bottom of the ass cheeks.
5) Avoid burns at all costs. Less is better. If you burn, you'll lose all your progress because your skin will peel. Not to mention, burning damages your skin and speeds up the aging process and risks of skin cancer. Lounging out in the sun for short bursts of thirty minutes is much better than eight hours straight.
6) Drink plenty of water. Sitting out in the sun will deplete your fluids. Stay hydrated.
7) Choose the sun over tanning beds. Besides all of the negative aspects of a tanning bed, a tan from the sun looks better. Those of you in colder climates may have little choice in this matter, though.
8) Stay cool. Chances are you will become very hot in the summer time. You can keep cool by filling a spray bottle with cold water with ice and occasionally spraying a layer of mist over yourself. For you rednecks, you can use a swamp cooler to keep cool.
9) Laying out in the sun will drain your energy. Get your workout done beforehand. 
10) Reapply sun screen periodically. Sun screen evaporates, runs off from sweating, and gets wiped off from you during the day. Keep reapplying it to get the full benefits.

Tanning is not a mandatory element of male stripping. It's a double-edged sword that can either chisel a male stripper's looks by giving that sleek bronze appearance, or cut into it by causing unattractive sunburn and premature aging. Tanning should be a secondary consideration because there are other priorities that a stripper should focus on, such as diet, exercise, rest, and personal hygiene. For those of you who already have a dark complexion, consider yourself lucky enough to skip this step and focus on something more important like popping zits or shaving your asshole.
Remember: tan in moderation.

Body Hair
I highly recommend getting rid of most body hair, especially on your back, abs, and ass crack. Your stripping routine should not resemble a werewolf transformation. I suggest removing the hair on your legs, too. Body hair obscures muscle definition, and it traps extra dirt, fuzz, and other particles. There are several methods for removing body hair: shaving, waxing, and using hair-removal lotions.
The lotions are effective for removing hair from large portions of your body such as the back and legs, but can burn or irritate some people’s skin. Make sure that the stuff doesn’t get on your cock or balls, otherwise you’ll have an unforgettably painful experience. You will miss some spots in harder to reach areas of your body if you use the hair-removal lotion, leaving you to resort to a razor for ridding of the remaining hair. One good thing about the lotions is that your skin will be very smooth afterwards and lack the sharp and stubbly sensation caused by shaving.
Waxing is very effective, but painful. It also lasts the longest, meaning you won’t have to do anything for a few weeks. The major downside to waxing is the possible occurrence of ingrown hairs, which can become irritated and infected at times. I strongly discourage male strippers from waxing.
Shaving is the most common method of hair removal, and it’s currently my method of choice. I use a dull Gillette Mach 3 or Fusion razor and shave with soap and hot water. Avoid the newer, sharper razors because they tend to leave a lot of nicks. The last thing you want is to have several accidental cuts on your leg that are still bleeding when you arrive for your party.
Shave your back, chest, ass (in your asscrack too), around your crotch, your balls, abs, legs, and feet. Definitely get that hair on your feet, because you don’t want to look like a Halfling from Lord of the Rings. After shaving, rub some moisturizing lotion over the shaven areas (you don’t need to moisturize your balls or asscrack though) to give a sleek sheen to your muscles.
In the end, some customers don’t give a shit whether you shave your legs or not, but most of them will make fun of the hair coming out of your ass.



Facial Hair
A clean-shaven look is the way to go for many men. Military and public safety jobs often make it a requirement as a sign of professionalism. Men who have a naturally chiseled jawline might want to keep their face free of facial hair.
In some cases though, facial hair can enhance a stripper’s look. A younger guy can make himself look older or more mature. A guy with a rounder or chubbier face may benefit from using facial hair as a “border” for his jawline. A nicely trimmed beard or goatee can create a sturdier look.
If you look better without facial hair, shave. If you look more mature or masculine with facial hair, then keep a nice trim going. Whatever you do, don’t go with the bearded hipster look or the dwarven beard.

Hairstyle
A stupid haircut will cause women to laugh at you. That’s why you don’t see long-haired hipsters rocking the house at male revues. Of course, a good haircut is a subjective topic. Everyone’s head has a different shape, suitable for different hairstyles. Some guys can sport the bald look fine, while guys like me need hair to even look presentable. Experiment with different hairstyles and find out which one looks best on you, unless you’re bald and don’t have a choice.
Below are some examples of what you can do: 
Spiked short hair – well-groomed spiked hair looks great on most men with a head full of hair as long as it’s not styled too excessively. Spiked or styled hair can make you look younger as well. For instance, Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden is in his 50s, but looks at least ten years younger thanks to the way he does his hair.
Military crew cut – a very common haircut in the United States. Many athletes sport this haircut too. If it looks good on you, do it. It’s cheap, easy, and low maintenance. The main downside is that it doesn’t make you stand apart from the crowd much.
Long hair – unless you look like Fabio, cut it. I have nothing against long hair. Hell, I used to have long hair as a teenager. But most women don’t like it, and they far outnumber the few ladies who love long hair. The only exception is that if you have very nice hair, and you wear it to set you apart from the other guys, and your looks and popularity are so extraordinary that nothing can stop you—not even long hair. Otherwise, don’t do it.
Bald – Works for some guys. It’s the look of choice for those guys who have no choice when it comes to hair. If you’re balding, you might as well choose the completely shaven (or waxed dome) look, unless you have an awesome hairpiece to wear.
Dreadlocks – Don’t do it. Your hair will look unwashed and oily. You’re stripping at a bachelorette party, not a Bob Marley tribute show.
Spray-on hair – I shouldn’t even have to mention this, but I’ve seen guys who are balding use it. First of all, anyone can tell it’s spray-on hair, especially when you’re up close and personal. Second, this material starts to run in dark streaks when you sweat. I once saw a balding male stripper perform at a male revue, and when he came backstage after his number was up, his spray on hair was running down in black streaks down his head, face, and neck. He didn’t even notice and went out to perform again.

Tattoos & Piercings
Some women love tattoos and piercings on a guy. But some find them a turn-off. A neutral approach is best in this line of work, so if you don’t already have tattoos or piercings, don’t get any.
There are several reasons for this.
First, some customers find tattoos to be “visual pollution.” Showing up covered in tattoos and piercings will detract attention away from your performance. And if you insist on having piercings, avoid large ear spacers that leave holes in your ears the size of quarters. Leave that look for the liberal arts majors. It has no place in male stripping, unless you think it’s cool for women to hook dollars into the holes of your ears.
Tattoos also run the risk of offending people. Customers may find the tattoos of skulls and naked chicks on your body to be trashy. I knew a guy who got fired because he stripped for a party of Jewish women, and they flipped out when they saw a tattoo of a swastika on his ass.

Tattoos and piercings are great forms of expression, but it’s safer to showcase a “clean” look. That way, the focus of the crowd is completely on your performance or your looks. If you want a less permanent form of self-expression, wear a t-shirt—at least then, you can change it when you want to express something different. 

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Cashing Out Tip Money

Last weekend, I've done two shows and earned a little over 600 dollars. Approximately 280 dollars of that were in one-dollar bills as seen below:

This is what $280 in ones look like.

That much money fits poorly in most wallets, so I went to the bank to exchange them for larger denominations. The lady across the counter gawked at me.

The money-counting machine at the front could not take so much cash, so she had to go into another room to use the largest machine. Other employees took notice of the cash and cast surreptitious glances at me.

It was very awkward. At least the lady had the professionalism not to ask me why I had so many ones. She probably had a hint where those bills came from because they smelled strongly of perfume.



Monday, April 27, 2015

Topless Only

I got this letter in my inbox recently:


So I was always interested in making some quick cash stripping. 
But I cannot do 100% full stripping. Only topless for reasons beyond. I don't want to take off my shorts. 
What would be the disadvantages of only doing topless? Less money? 


Dion's response: The disadvantage would be that you wouldn't make ANY money whatsoever.

Women pay at least $200 an hour for a male stripper to show up, strip down to a thong, and put on an entertaining performance. Leaving on the shorts opens up a barrage of complaints.

In this line of work, men have two choices: strip down to a thong, or down to nothing at all. It's not like female stripping where you can opt out of full nudity by keeping the bottoms or the top on for less money.

Female customers expect a man to show up in a thong. It's part of the act!

If you're hesitant about taking off the shorts, I have some advice for you:

Find another job.

I'm not saying this out of spite or sarcasm. I'm just giving you a realistic perspective. Here are some analogies of what you're saying.

"I want to be a chef, but I don't want to cook anything."

I guess you could prepare salads or microwave food, but you're severely limiting your menu options, and customers will go elsewhere for more offerings.

"I want to be a plumber, but I don't want to fix toilets or sinks."

Maybe you can fix baths or showers, but you won't get as much work, and you're forgetting what the title plumber means.

"I want to babysit, but I don't feed kids or change diapers."

That defeats the purpose of even trying to become a babysit then.

My point is that you're basically telling a prospective employer that you want the job, but you'll only do half the work of the other employees. Imagine how ridiculous that makes you sound. You're not exactly making yourself appealing.

There are plenty of guys out there who are charismatic, look great, and willing to strip down to a thong on a moment's notice. They're the competition, and you're entering without meeting the requirements.

Now this is speculation, but I gather you don't want to strip beyond shorts because you feel uncomfortable about something. Maybe your thighs are too skinny, your ass is hairy, or you're concerned about your penis size.

I have some bad news for you.

If you're insecure about exposing yourself, then this is the wrong line of work. The banana hammock doesn't leave much to the imagination, and some girls will even want you to take that off. They won't react too kindly when refuse to strip beyond shorts.

Keeping your shorts on is fine, but not in this line of work. if you want to dance in front of a crowd of girls while wearing shorts, then do so at a beach or pool party. Just don't expect women to fork out $200 an hour for it.