Saturday, June 27, 2015

The Stolen Bike

Below is one of many stories from my memoir, American Stripper:


The Stolen Bike



A birthday party requested a male stripper in a police costume to surprise the birthday girl. The party took place in a middle-class subdivision on the outskirts of Gainesville. It was dark, around 9 o’clock. No one walked the sidewalks at this time, and the only vehicles around were parked along the streets or in driveways.

I knew better than to drive around dressed like a cop, so I wore a thin nylon jacket over my uniform. When I got out of my car, I took off the jacket and fastened my gun belt. 

I walked towards the modern ranch-style house to begin my show.

The customer, a middle-aged woman, met me on the outside porch and handed over a wad of cash. “We’re running a bit behind. Can you give us ten minutes before you knock?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Thanks!” she said. “Try to keep out of sight from the windows, because I’m worried she might be able to see you on the porch.”

The porch light illuminated the surrounding area brightly, so I walked across the lawn and waited in the shadow of a tree.

Suddenly a shrill voice yelled, “Officer! Officer!”

A boy ran towards me. I had nowhere to go. I stood there dumbstruck as he came to a stop in front of me, panting. He looked no older than ten.

“Excuse me, officer,” he panted. “I’d like to report a stolen bike.”

What exactly do I tell this kid? I thought. I couldn’t tell him the truth – that I wasn’t really a cop, but a male stripper who was going to bare it all for his female neighbor – but I didn’t want to lie to him, either. Perhaps a vague approach would work best. “I’m a little busy here,” I said.

“What’re you doing?”

“I have to go in there,” I said, pointing at the house.

“What did they do?” he asked.

“I can’t discuss that.”

“Can I stay and watch?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

I took a breath to hold my patience in check. I wanted snap at him, but didn’t want him running home to his parents crying about how some cop told him to fuck off. 

“Look,” I told him firmly. “It’s late. You need to go home so I can do my job.”

“What about my bike?”

“You can file a report at the police station. For the time being, don’t leave your things outside so people can steal them.”

The boy gave me a look of shocked disappointment, as though I had betrayed him. He turned around and walked away, shoulders slumped. I felt horrible. At least I didn’t have to lie to him. Before he had a chance to change his mind and return, I clambered up the porch and knocked on the door, not caring if the party was ready.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

"American Stripper" Now Available

My new memoir, American Stripper: A True Story of an Exotic Male Dancer, is complete and available at the following vendors:

Amazon  / Smashwords Kobo Barnes & Noble / iBook (iTunes) / Google Play / And more...

The paperback version is currently available at Createspace, and  Amazon .

The release date is June 22, 2015.

Here's the book description:

As a teenager, Dion McTavish was a nerd. Smart, quiet, and scrawny, he surrounded himself with video games and books. He didn't drink or try drugs and he definitely did not party. But something happened when he got to the University of Florida. He began to work out. Soon, his new physique and a chance visit to a lingerie shop led him to a profession he'd never considered: male stripping.

American Stripper tells the story of Dion's personal and professional growth as a stripper and as a young man navigating a new world of debauched parties, drunk sorority girls, swingers, jealous boyfriends, and male revues. Come along as he acquires a highly prized cop uniform, has his first threesome, and falls in love--all while pursuing his original dream, to become an English teacher abroad. Vivid, thoughtful, and hilarious, American Stripper is a candid account of the transformation of an ordinary boy into a hunky, world traveling young man who knows how to balance business with pleasure.






Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Stripping for Female Strippers

For a male stripper, female strippers are some of the best customers ever.


Their male patrons may complain about them. Society may frown upon their occupation. However, my experience with female strippers has been thrilling at the very least.

Here are a list of things female strippers always do at my shows:

  • They participate with a extra dose of enthusiasm. They relish the role reversal, being the recipient of a striptease for once.
  • They will strongly encourage their friends to join in and get wild.
  • They often tip me much better than the average customer. They can relate with the need for good tips.
  • Almost every time, a female stripper will sit me down and perform a strip tease for me.
  • She'll usually give me a lap dance. Best of all, she'll tip me as she does it!
  • Sometimes she'll even thrust her breast into my mouth.
  • At the end of the party, these girls will gather up all the scattered dollar bills, straighten them out, and organize them into a nice stack with all of the bills facing up.
  • They refer me to friends for future events.
  • Just having ONE female stripper at a party can liven up the whole atmosphere

 So some of the jaded men out there can bitch about female strippers, but I love them. If an upcoming bachelorette party has a female stripper in attendance, then it's guaranteed to be an awesome party.


Monday, June 8, 2015

Anabolic Steroids Question

Question:

I want to get ripped and muscular, but no matter how hard I work out I still look out of shape. What should I do? Do I have to take steroids to get bigger?

Dion's answer:

The problem here lies somewhere in your nutrition, training regime, rest, or a combination of the three. The lack of anabolic steroids has nothing to do with your inability to attain a ripped and muscular body.

Steroids are not going to help you get ripped, either. In fact, most of them will make you look fatter and more bloated, especially if you’re not cut at all.

Back when I was in college, another guy at my gym wanted to compete in a bodybuilding competition. He was eighteen years old and was always asking people advice on how to get "big and cut." One bodybuilder told the kid to eat well, train well, and rest well.

What did the kid do, instead? Start taking anabolic steroids.


He became a little bigger, but looked puffed up and soft instead of hard and chiseled.

The point is that he should've listened to the bodybuilder's advice.

The same goes for you.

Here are some things you need to analyze about yourself before resorting to such measures:

How much rest a night are you getting?

Your body needs 6 to 8 hours a night for sufficient recovery.

Do you tally your total daily caloric intake and compare it to your BMI?

Do this to find out roughly how many calories your body burns a day. Then eat accordingly.

For example, if your body only burns 2,500 calories a day, but you’re taking in 3,000, then you may have a weight problem.

Are you ingesting an excessive amount of sugar and fat on a daily basis?

Sugar and fat aren’t necessarily bad, but many people overconsume them in the form of Pepsi, Monster energy drinks, fast food, etc.

Are you consuming at least 1 gram of protein per pound of your body weight?

Your muscles need protein for recovery after those brutal workouts.

Do you mainly eat nutritious foods like vegetables, meats, nuts, and fruit?

As opposed to processed foods…

Do you push yourself (not strain beyond your limits) when you work out?

Or do you choose the path of least resistance and lift lighter weights because it’s easier?

Are you one of those people who use the gym as a social hangout instead?

It’s nice to talk to a friend, but if you’re really serious about getting a good body, then you need to train serious.

Do you train your entire body?

Or do you only do bench press and curls, neglecting all leg workouts?

Do you cancel training sessions often?

Postponing trips to the gym adds up over time. Just remember: There is no time like the present. 

Don't rely on your future self to pick up your slack.



Be honest with yourself when answering these questions. Lying to yourself only hurts you, no one else. If you fall short of one or several of these questions, then you have much room for improvement.



Thursday, June 4, 2015

Free Book Promotion: June 5 - June 7

My memoir, American Stripper, is complete and will be available this month. I'll make another announcement with a link to the preorder page, but the tentative release date will be June 22. It will have all of the juicy stories from the beginnings of my stripping career.

To mark the occasion I am doing a free promotion for my previous book, Behind the G-String.

Starting on Friday, June 5, you can download the ebook version for free here: http://www.amazon.com/Behind-G-String-Dions-Becoming-Stripper-ebook/dp/B00MGRUEYM

The promotion ends on Sunday, June 7. So you have the whole weekend to get a copy.